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is it mine?
is this my fault?

ive told you the truth,
only the truth,
im not saying it to insult you,
to make you realised.

i dont know everything bout you,
thats because you never tell me,
nothing at all.

so you aren't yourself when you're with me?
is it with them?
is it them that make you feel alive?
you are you when you're with them?

do you really love yourself when you're with them?
then how you are with me?
do you think you're better with them.
then its okay.


Thank You For Your Time


do i feel too much,
are these words too much,
say something.

dont you get it,
you're my world,
my air,
my everything.

so why do keep choking me,
why do keep feeding me with C02,
im at a point where i cant breath.
keep gasping for air while there's none.

all i want is to be treated,
like i mean something to you.
i know im fragile,
and its hard for you to take care of me.

but please,
im running out breath.

Thank You For Your Time


'stop telling me what to do'
it's not that i hate you,
nor i don't want you to.

it's just that when you're saying that,
you give me the illusion like you care,
when we both know that i was nothing to you.

Thank You For Your Time


for the first time in my life,
i know what i feel,
i know what i want,

those bullshit that you'd told me,
it doesn't make sense.
for fuck sake, tell me the truth.
tell me you've never love me.
tell me i'm not good enough.
tell me that i was just another guy.

i miss you,
so fuck you.

Thank You For Your Time


a place to rest.
i gave you everything,
tho they weren't much,
it was all i could afford.

hoping day by day,
that this one would stay,
hoping that this one,
would call it home.

but i was wrong,
you're just another wanderer,
and i was just another stop,
to latter be forgotten.

Thank You For Your Time


you know when someone ask you,
"what do you wanna be when you've grown up?"
my answer will always be,
"i wanna be happy"

i've never set my mind to any specific details.
all i want is to be happy.
to find the right girl.
to marry her.
to be a father.
work hard enough to support my family,
and live happily in my house.

that is what i've always wanted.
and that's enough for me.

Thank You For Your Time


hmm i wish i could write you something.
but my mind just turned out blank.

i wish i could write bout' how you make me happy,
i wish i could write bout' how you loving me well,
i wish i could write bout' how you are my everything.

but i guess i couldn't,
cause your beauty,
and how you are mine,
isn't something that my mind could wrap around.

what i'm feeling now isn't something i could write.
so it just turned out blank.

Thank You For Your Time


kalau aku nak gambarkan apa yang aku rasa.
mungkin yang ada hanya canvas putih.
jiwa aku kosong.

kenapa orang suka bagi harapan.
lepas tu biarkan layu.
semuanya sama. 
semuanya serupa.

aku dah pening.
tak tahu apa yang aku rasa.
tak tahu apa yang aku nak rasa.
aku dah taknak rasa apa.

biar aku tinggal sorang.
dalam gelap.
dalam sunyi.
baru aku tenang.

Thank You For Your Time


if you don't mind.
can you let me stare at you.
so i can see you in my dreams.

if you don't mind.
can you let me hug you.
so i know what it's like to be held by you.

if you don't mind.
can you let me take all those memories.
so it will last forever. 

Thank You For Your Time


if those words are meant for me.
then you can't imagine.
the amount of sadness and pain.
that i'm feeling right now.

if you truly feel like i'm a burden.
like i'm  holding you down.
i will back off.
i will walk away.

i'm sorry for being where i'm not supposed to.

Thank You For Your Time


the same eyes.
the same nose.
the same smile.
are what she would had.

she would sound the same.
she would look the same.
she would act the same.
another you basically.

i wish they were two of you.
so he can take one.
and leave me with the other you.

Thank You For Your Time


occasional mood swings.
that's what happening.
i'm just too emotional for a guy.

why the fuck am i sad.
why the fuck am i jealous.
when there's nothing between us.

i know you must be tired.
taking care of my fucking soft heart.
i thank you for that.

but really.
you should care less.
cause later this heart will mean nothing to you.

Thank You For Your Time


here is the truth.
it's not the heart they want.
they can say whatever bullshit they want.
but at the end of the day.
it's the looks and wealth that count.

trust me.

Thank You For Your Time


finally i'm relieved.
finally i can breath.
for the first time.

knowing that you know.
knowing that you understand.
instead of keeping it inside.

though it changes nothing between us.
though there still some sadness left inside.
at least i can smile.

Thank You For Your Time


what you're going through.
is something that words can't describe.

it isn't something that i can understand.
nor pretend to understand.

but i know it's alot and it's hard.
for you alone to bear.

so im not gonna say i know how it feels.
cause i don't.

 im saying nothing
 and lend you my shoulder.

Thank You For Your Time


i'm breaking down.

day by day.
its getting more and more obvious.
like there's some kind of sign.
hanging on my head.
saying i'm a fuck up mess.

only god knows how hard i've tried.
to be normal.
to be me.
to be around you.
but never were to succeed.

maybe i'm too caught up.
in a mess that i'd made myself.
wake up me.
i don't feel like living in a dream anymore.


Thank You For Your Time


                                                                                                                                                In My Mind.

                                                                                                                                  29th January 2014

Hey you,

           Well i know you wont read this, but to keep me sane i did it anyway. So lately you have been asking me why am i like this or why did i do it. Hm pretty though question to answer but i'll try.

           Basically when i did those things, i was not thinking. I was listening to my heart, it may sounds strange but it's the truth. I did all that because my heart told me to. It is like i'm responsible for your happiness. Now now, don't be mad, of course you never ask me to, of course your happiness is his responsibilty. I'm just saying i hate to see you sad, that's all.

          But the main reason why i did it was to compete. Yep, i said it, to compete with him. As you know, looks, wealth or kindness ain't me. Those things never ticked my box, so i was never an option for you. Therefore, just to compete in a race that i know i will never win, i try to always be there for you. Not to win your heart but just to be in your memories.

         So that's all from me, i hope that explained everything. I wish you all the happiness in the world. May he cherish you for all eternity.


Thank You For Your Time


this is not a choice.
god never gave me other alternatives.
i don't get to choose.

from the first time i set my eyes on you.
it's like i know what to do.
like i'm supposed to.

it is by default.
like the law of nature.
i've never chose this.
as it was never a choice.

Thank You For Your Time


i don't need protection.
or safety of an illusion.

all i want is a simple truth.
truth about me.
and truth about him.

cause at this moment.
i am living in a big fat lie. 

Thank You For Your Time


here is a list of things that i need

your smile.
your laugh.
your attention.
your presence.


Thank You For Your Time


dreams were supposed to stay in my sleep.
but now.
it's like i'm living in one.

seeing you.
being around you.
the feeling.

but one day.
you're gonna leave.
and this will be nothing but memories.

so until that day comes.
don't wake me up.

Thank You For Your Time

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